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[Apr. 18th, 2007|11:27 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  loved | ] |
In light of Monday's events I've been doing a lot of thinking and talking, especially with Ashley and Erin...
How on earth can somebody get to that point? To the point where they feel that they need to kill????
I can't imagine ever getting that angry or that loney where I need to go kill someone...Granted I'm basically totally happy with my current boyfriend...but I don't think I will ever feel like I could kill anyone especially someone I've liked so much for so long...
It's just crazy...
You may say that I'm heartless or unemotional...but really I do care. People deal with things in different ways and they react to events in different ways. I don't feel the need to cry. I just think about it and I am astonished that anyone would be able to do that.
Erin and I were talking today and I've come to the conclusion that I have no idea what I would do if somebody walked into one of my classes with a gun in each hand and just started shooting....I would like to think I'd be able to think quickly enough to hide under my desk, but really, I don't think I would, I think I would sit there and not believe what was happening...I would be the first one to die because I would just sit there in a daze while the room around me turned quickly into chaos...I hope I never have to find out what my reaction would be...I mean I feel fairly safe here, and I don't see that happening...maybe I'm being naive or an optimist....
I'm just glad that I have friends that love me and a wonderful boyfriend that is often busy but whom I know wants to be with me everytime I do get to see him...I consider myself very lucky right now...I may complain about my crazy roommate and my noisy neighbors...but those are just some really small things that bug me. I don't know how I got lucky enough to have all the blessings in my life, but I know that there are things in this world that are worse than having a crazy roommate or a dad that likes to lecture you for no apparant reason... |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 8th, 2006|10:45 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  calm | ] |
Drunk Jenny made an appearance last night...I've missed Drunk Jenny! So have my friends...she's going to have to go out more often! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 20th, 2006|01:08 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  amused | ] |
So as bored as I've been lately...tonight was VERY eventful. My neighbors decided to have a little get-together that involved a lot of wine for everybody but me. Now to the average person this may seem like it would suck...HOWEVER...I found that my drunk dad was very entertaining. I don't think I have ever seen him that drunk. It is a good thing that he only had to walk one house over...because he wouldn't have made it any farther. He left the party about an hour before my mom and I left...and he passed out at the top of the stairs that lead to his bedroom...in his underwear...not a pretty sight...or at least not a sight I would have ever expected to see in my lifetime. Sad thing is he has to work tomorrow and we all know how much going to work with a hangover sucks! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 9th, 2006|03:34 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | content | ] |
I actually played golf well yesterday! It was amazing! I felt like my old self again! Oh yeah and my new car is amazing! I love it!
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| (no subject) |
[May. 24th, 2006|12:31 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crushed | ] |
So apparantly studying does not help. Let's just say I'm going to need a miracle to get through college because I'm obviously not smart enough for Centre College. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 6th, 2006|01:14 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
So yesterday I spent the entire day thinking about what I want out of life and this is what I came up with:
1. Make the LPGA Hall of Fame....aka win 30 LPGA tournaments, one must be a major
2. Be remebered...aka not forgotten or just remembered as being that girl that spent her life playing golf and failing classes
3. Get rid of potential...I HATE HEARING THAT I HAVE POTENTIAL
4. Win Conference...not necessarilly next year but some time in the next 3 years
5. Get better grades
6. Not stress over everything
7. Don't worry about boys...they suck anyways
8. Care about what I do and don't worry if people think I'm crazy for caring
9. Meet Tiger Woods...I had to put it he is my hero for crying out loud!
10. Have more fun
These are in no particular order...obviously I can't be in the LPGA Hall of Fame before I win Conference!
P.S. Tiger Woods' dad died on Wednesday and it might be the saddest thing EVER!!!! |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 3rd, 2006|12:12 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  frustrated | ] |
You know you have a problem when you only really want to talk to two people, one of which you probably should not be talking to, let alone wanting to talk to him ever second of every day. It's like the only thing I want to do is come back to my room just to see if he's online...just so I can talk to him. I shouldn't want to talk to him this much...but I can't help myself. He is the only boy I ever loved and the only boy who has ever broken my heart. What if he is the only guy I ever love? What if I never find anyone better? What if I already know somebody better and just can't bring myself to let Greg go?
On another note I'm going to miss Amanda SOOOOO much this summer! It's going to be hard being so far away from my best friend. She's the only one here that truely knows how to make me laugh and forget about all the things I hate about my life. She has a way of making fun of me that makes me realize how stupid the things that I do are without making me mad. I just spent an hour in her room laughing...and it felt good...really good...then I realized that I only have two more weeks with her until summer. What am I going to do when I can't just walk next door to Amanda when I need someone to talk to who will listen to everything and then make me laugh and forget all about it? I love being silly with Amanda! |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 1st, 2006|01:00 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  confused | ] |
How can you love the one person who broke your heart? Why do I still trust him???? How can I still love him? How can I still talk to him every night? Why does he have to understand everything? Why is he moving closer to me next year? This could be a very catesrtophic summer! |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 23rd, 2006|08:43 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  giddy | ] |
This weekend was awesome! I had so much fun with Marissa and Katie! I'm so excited for next year's golf team we are going to have a blast! And last night was amazing...I think I really needed to hook up with somebody...it was so much fun! It had been so long since I had had a good hook up I was begining to loose hope! And Tommy was really hot too! I have not had that much fun in a long time! And I danced with PK which is always a good ego boost! And I played golf with Derek and we were in the same golf cart and he drove it and it was amazing even though we all played horribly!
The tournament kinda sucked though, I was really upset at a number of people for numerous different reasons...I was mostly mad at my coach for not being around at all and I really needed him to bring me some ice so when I swung it didn't feel like my IT band was tearing at the end of my swing. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 20th, 2006|06:13 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sore | ] |
I am in so much freaking pain right now!!!!! FYI DON'T TOUCH ME AT ALL CAUSE CHANCES ARE IT WILL HURT!!!!!!!!! I can barely walk this is not good...I need a new leg/knee! |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 19th, 2006|10:32 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | satisfied | ] |
So today I actually got to play golf! YAY! It was only 6 holes but it's a start. My guess is that this weekend is going to be a very painful one for my knee...but that's the price I must pay to play golf...AND IT WILL ALWAYS BE WORTH IT!!!!! Golf is the one and only constant in my life and I love it and I don't know what I would do if I didn't play golf anymore. I love the feel of a golf club in my hands (not in any sort of sexual connotation that you dirty minded people might take that as, just my wonderful Titlest driver in my hands). In recent months golf has changed for me. Maybe I have matured enough to not get so freaking emotional about it or maybe I have learned how to better use that emotion to my advantage instead of my disadvantage...who really knows? I just feel so relaxed on the golf course now, it's a wonderful feeling and I think it's why I'm fine with not having a boy of any sort in my life right now...that's not to say that I don't want to have a boy in my life, but rather that I don't NEED a boy in my life to make me happy. I think this is the point where I get in a relationship a month before I go back to California for 3 months...that's just the way my life always goes...maybe this time it won't be so bad...I guess that's the only thing I can really hope for at this point in my life. I'm through seeking boys...they're just going to have to get over themselves and come talk to me if that's what they think would make them happy. Anyways maybe tomorrow I will be allowed to play 9 holes...that would be amazing! |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 18th, 2006|12:02 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | ecstatic | ] |
Melissa is coming to my tournament on Saturday!!! YAY! I'm so excited! Maybe I'll actually play well and she'll thinkk that I'm actually good at the sport I'm obsessed with and ruin my knee over! |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 13th, 2006|11:18 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | ecstatic | ] |
I just wrote a 4 page paper in an hour!!!!! That's definately a new record for me and I'm still going to get to bed early and I don't have to get up early!!!! I'm SO proud of myself because I'm going to be rested when I get to play golf with the boys tomorrow and I don't have to skip any classes to get it done!!!!!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 13th, 2006|10:08 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | content | ] |
Today I realized that the only times that I have been happy this week was on the golf course. I noticed that all I had to do was drive up to the country club and my smile could have stretched a mile long...I would love SO much to be a professional golfer or even just a golf pro. Man golf makes me SO happy, that's when I'm the most happy...it's no wonder why I always fall for golfer boys! |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 13th, 2006|08:27 am] |
| You Are Kermit | 
Hi, ho! Lovable and friendly, you get along well with everyone you know.
You're a big thinker, and sometimes you over think life's problems.
Don't worry - everyone know's it's not easy being green.
Just remember, time's fun when you're having flies! |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 12th, 2006|10:40 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | depressed | ] |
I hate being depressed but it seems like nothing is going right...or even close to right! I hate my freaking life and I want to go home more than ever! I also want to play golf well tomorrow and not feel like my childhood dreams have been crushed...I think that may help my mood a little...but for now I just want everything to end! |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 11th, 2006|09:30 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | pensive | ] |
Lately I've been feeling like nobody really cares anymore. I mean yesterday there were like maybe four people who actually took the time to listen...not to be too caught up in their own little world or trying to cut me off because they think what I was feeling was stupid. I understand that Roundtree is a fucking ass and I shouldn't care what he says but I still felt like shit. You can't just tell somebody not to feel like shit...it's their choice to have whatever feelings they choose to have about the situation. Maybe I just live in my own little world sometimes where people are all nice to each other, but it seems like people need to listen more than they do and think about other people and how they might be feeling before they say stupid things. I know I'm good at golf and I probably have a bigger chance of becoming a golf pro at some really cool golf course than using the degree I'm getting from Centre right now...but for that to happen I need to do it for myself. I can't play golf for a team or a coach or a friend or a parent anymore, it has to be for me! That sounds a little selfish, but Ben Ray told me to be more selfish so I'm going to be. I play golf for me and my dream, not for any other reason! NO QUESTIONS ASKED I DON'T PLAY FOR ANY OTHER REASON YOU MIGHT COME UP WITH!!!!! Oh yeah and another thing...I have no gutts! I'm a freaking whimp! I really want to ask somebody to just come watch the end of my golf tournament next Saturday but I'm afraid that she'll think I'm crazy and will be really bored...but it would make me feel so special because everyone else has people watching them all the time! I know this person doesn't understand my obsession with golf (or sports in general) and she doesn't even like it when I talk about golf...I can tell she never really listens when I start blabbing about it...but it would mean a lot to me and I wish I had the guts to tell her but I don't...I'm pathetic! |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 9th, 2006|08:23 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bouncy | ] |
I continue to amaze myslef by being so hyper I can't think straight and I shake uncontrollablly. Basically it's because this is the first good weekend I've had in a very long time...but I'm also pissed at a certain roommate at the same time.
So the good part is that I had a wonderful Friday night, just kinda hanging out with MB. Let me tell you getting drunk in Menopause was probably the best idea EVER!!!! And I finished before MB!!! That's not something that happens ever so it was a pretty big accomplishment for me! But I do wish that Melissa had been with us cause that would have been even more fun but she was at home...anyways the drive to the art museum at 8 in the fricken morning was a whole new adventure. We got totally lost in the ghetto of Cincinatti...and stopped at a very sketchy gas station to get directions. Then Amanda and I kinda wandered around the museum for like 5 hours...BORING...but it was ok cause I was really excited about meeting Melissa's parents and spending the night at her house. Which brings me to the fact that I loved meeting her parents and seeing where she lived because it is SO much different than the culture that I grew up in. First of all...her relatives all like live in the same neighborhood...mine all live in different states...CULTURE SHOCK!!!! Second I grew up a Baptist, even though both my parents grew up Catholic. Mass was the biggest learning experience I've had all year...and I wasn't even at school! Like the whole hail Mary thing...I had no idea what was going on. Or the kneeling before and after you leave your seat...it was a little awkward. I also got to experience what my mom and dad experienced when they went to church as children and I found it amazing because my dad had told me stories about having to kneel and say all these prayers and stuff and it was amaxing to experience it and see what he was talking about and I definately got a better idea of why he hates church and God so much. I also want to know why they did all that stuff because I really had no idea what was going on half the time...although at least I know what Palm Sunday is so I understood that much! :) It was a very good learning experience for me!
Now to the portion of this entry devoted to my roommate...I am SO FED UP!!!!!! I mean as if it weren't enough that I feel like I can never be in my room because she is ALWAYS sleeping and I would feel bad if I woke her up or something...but walking in on her on Friday was the last straw! I mean what is she thinking!!!!!?????? I was gone from 8 to 12 and she wasn't done!!!! WTF!!!!! And she ate all my chips and queso and drank all my cherry vanilla dr. pepper...this is why I don't keep food in my room!!!!! I don't even get to eat it anymore!!!!! And she always keeps me up so late I hate it!!!! I just want to sleep sometimes! I need like 8 hours per day to function properly and I just don't have time for naps! And especially when I have a tournament the next day and I'm already getting up at like 7 to go and not getting to sleep til like 3 doesn't help my performance at all!!!! And who is she to tell me I can't watch sports in my room??? I let her watch her scary movies and what not!!!! I HATE SCARY MOVIES!!! THEY SCARE ME!!!!
On a better note...Phil Mickleson just won the Master's and my dad got him to sign a 2006 Master's hat for me when he went to see the Master's!!!!! I've never been more excited in my entire life!!!!! I can't wait for my mom to come and bring it to me for conference! Maybe it will be REALLY lucky and I'll play the best I've ever played at conference! AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!! IM SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PS. I already know that I'm like crazy or bipolar or something because I have way to many different emotions going through my head right now! |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 7th, 2006|01:47 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  aggravated | ] |
People need to stop beating me up...they don't even know they're doing it but maybe that's cause it's so damn easy to do it....I mean all you have to do is touch my left leg and I want to die!!!!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 5th, 2006|12:14 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  stressed | ] |
So last semester I understood the letters saying that I had unsatisfactory grades in two of my classes becuase I didn't study at all. But this semester it's ridiculous! I really don't think there is any more time I could spend studying and stay sane at the same time! I mean my life consists of going to class...trainer...golf practice...dinner...library until it closes...sleep. What am I going to do? I'm already on academic probation this semester and I really can't do another semester like this...my life is WAY too hectic and I barely have time to breathe. I mean spending the amount of time in the library that I already do is insane! AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! I really don't understand how I got into Centre...it's way too smart for me! I have basically proven this over my last semester here! |
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